We've all been there: it's a weeknight and you find yourself in a state of anxiety as you check your phone for a message from that person you've been talking to. Your heart is racing, palms are sweating, and all you can think about is what went wrong and why you haven't heard from them in hours, or even days. You think to yourself: was it something I said? Did I scare them away? The answers to these questions are: no. In reality, the truth is that you've most likely been "ghosted".
According to the technical definition, a ghost is "an apparition of a dead person which is believed to appear or become manifest to the living, typically as a nebulous image". In today's society however, we define a ghost as a coward that doesn't have the balls to be transparent (ironically). If you ask me, the second definition sounds much scarier. The act of ghosting someone isn't new. It has been practiced for decades, but it is much harder to deal with now knowing that our generation has endless access to smartphones.
One could argue that people these days simply don’t have the time to communicate the way they used to. They either lose interest too quickly or find themselves in sticky “situationships”. I beg to differ. I believe that everyone is capable of basic human communication as long as they have one thing: decency. A person that doesn’t give a crap about your feelings shows you who they are right from the beginning; they'll text back late and they're nowhere to be found when you call them. I've always heard the phrase, "someone that truly wants you in their life won't put themselves in a position to lose you", and I couldn't agree more. The hardest pill to swallow in the world of dating is when you realize that until you find the love of your life, you are either the heartbreaker or the heartbroken.
If you find yourself in a situation in which you've been ghosted, I want your first step to be to remove any thoughts that suggest that it was your fault or that something is wrong with you. Unless you’re an absolute monster, chances are that you’ve done everything in your power to make things work between you and them. When you are actively communicating with someone who can’t be bothered letting you know that they’re busy or going through something, the best thing you can do is to just leave them the f*** alone. Self respect is the most important thing to have in the game of dating. To have self respect is to refuse to accept anything less than what you deserve, and this will ultimately help you overcome any disappointment that you may feel in someone who fails to return what you give them.
And what if you found yourself wanting to ghost someone? Don't. The good news is that you have it much easier than the person on the other end. If you find yourself in a situation that you want to get out of, simply communicate. Life is too short to dance around people that deserve to be as happy as you wish to be. The truth hurts, but it heals much quicker than the deep cuts of continuous lies. You will find that being transparent in a situation works better for both parties in the long run. Will the other person hate your guts? Yes. But will they respect your honesty that will lead them to someone better? Absolutely. Whenever you find yourself in the position of having to cut ties with someone, remember what it feels like to be heartbroken. Ask yourself what you would've appreciated when you were getting dumped, and what would've made the process easier to deal with. Use that knowledge to your advantage when communicating the desire to no longer be with someone that doesn't work for you.
If you've been ghosted, I'd like to take a moment to remind you of who you are. I think you are an intelligent, capable human being who acknowledges right from wrong. I believe that you know good communication makes tough situations easier to navigate, and that you deserve someone who can be upfront with you. You are beautiful, sexy, caring and kind-hearted. Try to see it this way: we learn more about a person at the end of a relationship or "situationship" than we do at the beginning. If they are messy and confusing, maybe you dodged a bullet. Let yourself cry, get angry and do whatever makes you feel better but NEVER doubt yourself. Being ghosted can be confusing and scary, but I think it's much scarier to lose your self-confidence because of someone else's shortcomings.
F.S x
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